I hate

when I see people and I look a mess.

I mean I know it doesn't matter, and I know I always say fuck what other people think of you.

But I was raised to feel like I would never be good enough for anyone, and that I'm worthless and fat and ugly, so its a sort of involuntary reflex to feel ugly all the time.

Lame right?

Normally I'm just like whatever, but when I just throw on some clothes with no makeup, and my hair just thrown in a ponytail or bun, then go out and I see someone I care about I always feel really disgusting and gross.

I am completely aware of how stupid it is, but I can't help but feel like I must look gross and that's all they're thinking.

Don't get me wrong I totally play it off haha.

I don't let it bother me or get to me, but at the same time it kinda does.

I mean I just wish that I can just not have any of those thoughts creep into my brain at all.

I have gotten better at it, but it will always be there.