Sparkly and fresh my ass!

I was cleaning all day today.

Granted I took some breaks here and there cause I got sidetracked...

Nonetheless I busted my ass...kinda :D

My room looks waaaay better than before!

I only got half of it done, but it's all good.

Tomorrow I'm going out, so I can't finish, but I am going to wash my sheets and bedding cause there's..."stuff"...on them...hahaha

Kidding...or am I?!

Dun dun duuuuuuuuhhhnnnnnn!!!

~hennyways~

I'm showered and ready for bed, but I'm not tired enough to go to sleep yet because I've been partying til 4am every night this week.

These are the times when I want a dude to be here so we can tire each other out...HIGH OH!

MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

Didn't see that coming huh...well you probably did if you know me well enough...

I shall lay here and think of you...



I dream about this every night...



Cleanin out the confusion

I decided to listen to the saying of "Clear your space, clear your mind," and clean my room.
Even though I believe "A messy room is a sign of a genius."
I haven't done shit in it for like a year...
Well I mean I haven't really even been in it long enough to do anything.
I have 3 weeks of being stuck in this shit hole, so I might as well make my room a nice place to semi get away...
This is the longest I have been home, and I really remember why I kept myself so busy.
I fucking HATE being here.
I can't breathe here.
I feel like I'm suffocating sometimes.
Haha, super melodramatic! ^_^
But anyway, I want to finally organize my shit cause I finally, after like 6 years of being in this room, have a place to put my clothes.
Yes, it's true I had to wait til I was 21 and could buy my own dresser thingys to finally have a place for my clothes...my parents are so good to me huh...
I want to actually put effort into this semester too, so I need a place to kinda study, cause God knows I always find a way to get sidetracked :D
Aye...but I pull off getting A's and B's anyway...chea buddy ;)
Hopefully I can get my desk reorganized for the millionth time...every time I do the little Mexican troll, aka my mom, ruins it with all her shit.
That's one of the reasons why it's so bad in my room.
She thinks she can leave her shoes, bills, garbage, ect. in my room, and me being stubborn as fuck, refuses to clean up after her.
Last time it got bad, and she crashed my computer, I threw every single thing in the hallway.
My bad for a mini mental breakdown...but her shit filled the fucking hallway!
And she doesn't even care.
She made my dad clean it up and didn't even look at it.
I obviously helped him clean it up, but fuck dude it makes me fucking crazy.
I have OCD, so fucking up my space makes me HELLA anxious.
But of course, to my parents there's nothing wrong with me...I'm just being "me."
I don't know why every time I write something on here I end up venting hella shit...oh well...guess I need to...
So yeah, my rooms gonna be clean and ready to be "messed up" by a delicious man...cough cough...
You get 2 girls since I rambled so much ;)

Leaping back and a confused brain

Meh.

So I brought up the fact that I have been sober for 3 years now the other day.

I was thinking about the shit I've been doing the past year or so, and I've been kinda slipping back into my old ways.
I mean not completely.
I've just been smoking hella much and drinking more than I should.
I have it under control this time, so its not all bad, but there's always the uncertainty of what can happen.
Sometimes I feel like saying fuck it I'm 21 and I'm doing what a normal 21 year old in college should be doing, but at the same time I'm not a normally 21 year old.
I've been through it already.
I've done shit at a young age and grown up hella fast.
I'm jaded already and it kinda sucks.
I've just been trying to cope I guess.
I mean its not really coping...I guess I'm just trying to survive again...
I mean this is the first time in my whole life where I've actually been living and feeling...literally.
I have never had a chance to live and I want to, but I have shit trying to hold me back.
Well people.
Don't get me wrong I'm still gonna do me no matter what, but it just gets hard when you got shit in your ear all the fucking time.
I'm stubborn and strong as fuck, but even the strongest wall can get a little erosion.
Ok so enough of this emotional shit.
I swear everyone who read my blog thinks I'm another whiny ass bitch.
I promise in reality I don't say any of this shit and act like a total dude.
This is my space to be as whiny and bitchy as I want!!
Blaaaaaaaah!
My brain is just everywhere...well it always is...but I just have alot on it right now.
I'm about to go to the gym to release some of this shit.
Let's "cope" the healthy way tonight...even though I already did some unhealthy "coping" tonight...cough cough

I only wish they had these when I was little!

Zombie Barbie



Here's some amazing advise...



Operation take The Little Mexican Troll To Work was a success.

I was hella tired, but I did it.

So basically my whole party is planned.

All I need to do now is finish inviting people, and buy the shit.

Well, and obviously set it up...but that comes later.

I've never had anything like this before, so I'm pretty excited.

I kinda want this to be epic and have too many people in the house.

I want Denise to regret making me have a party and then saying she wasn't going to pay for any of it :D

I know some pretty rowdy people who love to party, so I'm pretty sure this is going to be amazing.

She swear I'm not social and have no friends...

Too bad I have hella random friends all over the place that like being around me cause I'm loud and crazy and nice to them, and not domineering, abrasive, rude, and controlling...

I feel like this party could be the pinnacle of my life changing.

Hella corny and shit, but it's true.

I mean I've come along way from where I was and it wasn't til the other day when I truly realized it.

I have been completely clean for about 3 years.

And in the last year I have gotten over my social anxiety and agoraphobia.

I did by myself with no help from anyone.

I don't talk about it or even think about it, so the other day was the first time I really did both.

I still haven't told anyone the full story, but I will one day.

It's just too deep to tell anyone.

I should write a book, haha!

Anyways!!!

Didn't think I would get so girly in my blog...

I guess that's what happens when you decide to talk about shit.

This is where I hide my emotions and feelings now...get used to it!

Crusty Coochi

Spent all day with my parents and sister.

We went to dinner and a movie for my mom's birthday.

It was pretty cool.

I don't understand why my parents ALWAYS have to have a huge ass argument about NOTHING every day.

Like what the fuck is your problem it's not even serious...

It's so ridiculous to me.

~anyway~

It was a pretty good day.

I even went to the gym tonight and had a good workout :)

I should be sleeping cause I have to drive my mom to work in about 3 hours...in Walnut Creek...

Meh, it's all good...I've driven farther on less sleep...

I actually got to sleep in a little bit today, and it was pretty nice-ish.

I haven't been home in like a week, so it has been kinda weird being here and with these assholes.

I forgot why I hated being here...they made me remember...

It's all good cause I'm going to be busy again in a couple weeks.

Hopefully I can find shit to keep me busy during this little break I have.

I have alot of thinking, planning, cleaning, and loving to do this month.

And my loving I mean whoring...haha kidding...or am I?... :D

I feel like alot of shit has changed recently and I need to change some shit up myself.

I mean I think I have changed alot this year, but I think it's time to shake some shit up.

I have no idea if I'm even making sense anymore :)

I'm just going to try and take a nappy poo before hitting the road.

Nighty night...

Don't let the bedbugs bite!

So I did everything on my list.

I feel super accomplished.

Almost adult like :)

Today was the first time I have been home all week.

It feels hella weird.

I kinda liked not being here...

I did miss my bed...even though I have yet to get completely reacquainted with it...

Its good though, cause I have 3 weeks to do that :D

That's what's good about working at a school...you get holidays and summer vacation off.

Granted I don't get paid, but that's where my hustlin comes in ;)

I need to chill out though for a couple days or so.

I'm still a little up on it from the last couple days.

I need to reevaluate some people in my life, and other shit.

Also it's my madre's birthday tomorrow.

I don't really have a super strong relationship with her, but it's still her birthday and she should feel good at least one day out of the year...

Even though she's the devil incarnate...

To Do List:

~Finish the paper I totally forgot about

~Take a shower to wash this semester off of me

~Do laundry

~Eat dinner

~Get some draaank and celebrate life ^_^

Load to the face

Fuck.

I'm hella confused with life.

I have too much going on.

I like this dude, but then its weird now I feel.

At the same time there's this other dude that I think likes me, but I'm not really sure.

He's cool and all, but fuck man, I like the other one hella much.

What the fuck!

I did 3 finals today back to back.

2 of them were at the same time, so I was an hour late for one.

That was fucking amazing...

Plus I have been working open to close all week.

OH!

Then there's my party.

I am having a birthday party for the first time in my life, and I'm pretty fucking excited.

I want it to be hella epic!

I am hella cool with hella people and I hope they all come.

I'm inviting about 80 people, plus my sister's got about 10, then the person's house I'm using is inviting about 30.

So I'd say its going to be pretty dope.

I mean, obviously not everyone will show up, but Ima have hella fun either way.

I've never had people do something like this for me and it feels hella weird.

Like the way I was raised was to never take anything from anyone cause then you owe them.

I feel hella selfish and like I'm taking advantage of people.

Hella lame I know...

Ok so that's enough bullshit to tide you over for a couple days...

Fucking smart as fuck

Ok, so, I really just spent the last four days helping two people with their 16 paragraph essays.

Yes...16 fucking paragraphs.

Oh, and if that wasn't enough, each paragraph had to be at least 160 words, with no "to be" verbs.

There had to be two intros and two conclusions, plus 4 counter arguments and 2 refutes for each counter.

The fuck is that about?

This is Contra Costa College, not fucking Harvard...

~anyway~

I also went to a party on Saturday.

I invited some people to come but none of them could make it...hella lame...

But its good cause I had a pretty fucking amazing time.

The stories...heh heh...I got some...

Me and my sister hella started that party too, five hours after it started.

That's how you know my birthday party is going to be fucking ridiculous.

People are inviting hella other people.

I'm alone inviting about 100 people.

Dude, this is going to be pretty epic.

I'm hella excited.

And I feel like now it legit cause I made some invites and am going to start passing them out.

YEE fucking YEE!

This shit is gonna go down!

Fuck it.

Uh-oh...another whiny ass post...

My bad.

Today was fucking ridiculous...

I feel like everything came crashing down on me.

I smoked 3 cigarettes...and want another...

I hate whining about my shit, but fuck dude.

I need to let it out somehow.

I kept it bottled up all fucking semester.

Too much happened today.

It fucking sucks realizing people are right about something you care about so much.

It sucks realizing you are behind in something.

It sucks wanting something you think you're no where good enough to have.

It sucks thinking you can potentially have that thing, but at the same time maybe not.

It really sucks being mindfucked.

It sucks knowing you might fail.

It sucks needing something and almost getting it, to be shut down.

Life fucking sucks sometimes, and it gets ridiculously hard for some people.

I guess I don't mean to complain, but to vent and be done with it.

I'm not trying to complain about how hard I have it, because I know first hand that it can always be tremendously worse, but people need to let out what they are feeling once in a while.

Otherwise there'd be way more serial killers out there.

So this is me letting shit out...in a vague, all-over-the-place way.

Goodnight.

Stupid Layout...

I'm hella mad at the new YouTube layout.

Now I can't post music anymore.

I guess I'm just gonna have to find out how to make players or something.

Meh...I'll probably keep posting them like I do and make you go to YouTube to listen to it.

I'm lazy...

Song of the Day

So....I really hate the Top 20's, but I found the metalcore version of a song and fell in love :)

I can't help it.

I had a similar experience :D

Happy Mother's Day!



Butterflies

Sooooo....

I kinda had an interview with Kaiser yesterday...

I'm freaking out no lie!!

I reeeeeeally need this job.

I don't want to brag or anything, but its fucking $22 an hour, and nights are $23.

Like what the fuck?!?!?!

I fucking need this shit!!!!

I feel like my interview went pretty well, but Idk my mom has me second guessing myself.

She likes to nitpick and tell me how not good enough I am...but whatever.

Everyone else I have talked to said I did well.

Man, if I get this I can FINALLY fix my car and move out.

I will be soooooo happy.

I really just have butterflies in my stomach whenever I think about it.

Meh, I'm lame.

It doesn't help that I'm also a little lovesick...haha...but that's another story completely...

I am excited and haven't been this excited, well, ever.

This is one of the biggest things in my life.

I feel like, for me, Kaiser is the top of the job food chain.

Buaaaah!!! Idk haha I need to go somewhere haha!!

I feel kinda manic-y and want to bounce around everywhere like a rabbit on crack :D

Brain Stew

I'm so unsure about life right now...

I really need to sort some shit out.

Blaaaaaaaah.

I have too many thoughts racing in my head right now.

I think right now I just need a shower and sleep.

I just need to think about what I really want...even though I already know what I want, but feel like I can't have it...

Feliz
Cinco De Mayo!





Song of the day

This is the stalker's anthem, but I really like this song.

I have some of these feeling right now haha...



You're fucking ugly.

I don't understand people who are hella jealous for no reason.

I'm fucking tired of that shit.

Like dude, be you...why you tryna be like someone else?

I especially hate these people who are jealous of me.

Like wtf...you have no idea what I went through to be who I am now, so just take your own experiences and be your own person.

My personality is different than yours and that's perfectly fine.

I feel like someone couldn't really mimic my personality anyway cause I'm beyond fucking insane.

I don't really know how to pound that into some one's brain....

BE YOUR FUCKING SELF!!!

STOP TRYING TO BE LIKE ANOTHER PERSON!!!



Song of the day

I like to listen to this when I'm chillin out and high :)