I will never get to say this to you...

How is someone supposed to react to the news that the person responsible for their fucked up life is going to die soon?

Now, how is someone supposed to feel if the person who was about to die didn't directly affect their life, but was the reason for what happened to them?

In my religion I am taught to forgive as I was forgiven.

I'm not sure I have have forgiven you yet, but I sure as hell have never forgotten what you did.

I will never forget what you did to our family, and the results of it.

Because of you I had to endure abuse.

Because of you I was made to feel like I would never be good enough for anyone.

Because of you I thought I was unlovable.

Because of you I had bruises I had to hide.

Because of you I was fucked up beyond belief.

Because of you I wanted to die.

You got to do what you wanted to do in life.

You got to cheat on your wife, and go out, and have a mistress for 30 years, who even lived in the house with your wife and 7 children.

You beat the shit out of your wife for no apparent reason.

You beat the shit out of your child because you thought she was a "black baby" and your wife "must have cheated on you."

You had your whole family, even your mistress, afraid of you.

No terrified.

You beat, raped, and molested your own child.

It was you who murdered 3 of your children because you beat your pregnant wife and pushed her down the stairs.

You permanently disfigured your daughter because you were drunk.

She will never, ever be "normal."

She has to hide her feet and scares.

She is emotionally, not only physically, ruined because of you.

There are so many more things you've done, that WE all know about...

This is all karma.

These tumors and cancer, and everything else you have going on are all karma.

Cancerous tumors ruined you're ability to move your arms well, your lungs are filled with cancerous tumors it's hard for you to breathe, you are now having to get your arm amputated because the caner is back and the tumors are spreading and growing.

You're weak.

You're vulnerable.

You're dying.

This has been a slow, drawn out death for you, and you deserve every moment of it.

It's funny though how you're torture and pain will live on forever within your family.

I hope you think about it as you die, and remember every single bruise, cut, scrape, scar, and the damage you caused.

I want you to know you're grandchild never got to have a normal childhood because you are a paranoid crazy fuck.

I hate you for it.

But I must try to let it go as I have let you go.

The only thing I thank you for is the fight I have been instilled with.

I will NEVER let a man treat me with anything less than respect.

I will never let a man hit me, or tell me I'm not good enough.

I will love my kids more than anything.

I will make sure they are nurtured and cared for.

They will know I love them.

I will protect other women.

I will fight any man who is like you.

I'm going to do right my your wife, and make her proud.

I am going to marry a man that loves me and won't harm me in any way.

I won't settle for anything less.

So I guess I thank you for showing my what the worst can be, so I can find the best.

Sunday Funday ;)





Never Ever Ever EVER!!!

 But it doesn't matter cause you'll never know...



That fuckin D

There are no words to describe what I'm thinking.

My mind has been fucked in the ass so hard, it's not even funny.

I have no idea what to do, or where to go from here.

My mind wants the things that seem to be available, but still is not sure exactly which thing to take.

There's also a lot of doubt.

Both with the things, and within.

Fuckity fuck fuck!!

Best of Thanksgiving



Lick it all night!!



Speaking in Tounges

I know what I want, but I also know I can't have it...well, pretty sure at least...

The thing I used to want kinda came back, and as much as I wanted it back then, I'm fine with not having it now.

I want this new thing really bad, and the more I deny wanting it, the more my want for it grows.

I haven't wanted something like this this much in a while.

It might be the fact that I know I'm not going to get it, or maybe the fact I know it's not really possible to have it.

I think I just need to cut this thing out of my life until I don't want it anymore, like all bad habits...

But I know even if it's outta sight it will never be outta mind.

Dear God,

When will I find the person who sees through my façade.

Who sees me and not a dumb slut.

Who realizes I'm all talk.

And sees that I'm just a huge asshole to hide what I really feel.

That I care too much about everything.

And overthink every little thing that happens.

When will I find the person I can show my scars to and tell them the real reason I have them.

And tell them everything in my past, good and bad.

Who knows I'm crazy as fuck, but loves me anyway.

And can handle my bipolar mood swings and seemingly schizophrenic randomness.

Who doesn't care where I've come from.

Who wants to help me with my issues.

Who will push me to achieve my goals.

Who won't take my bullshit.

And force me to go out of my comfort zone.

When will I meet the person who will change my life forever and never let me go.

Lifely Emo Shit



Lovely Emo Shit

M. Fucking Shadows!



"Special" Stalker

So I have a stalker, and he WILL NOT leave me alone.
Like at first it was kinda funny, and it wasn't really a big deal...
I didn't really mind him cause he is special (like special ed...literally) and I met him at my job.
When he added me on Facebook I was kinda weirded out cause I didn't know how he found me, but I added him cause I thought it was gonna be like everyone else on Facebook, just adding to add to their friends list or whatever.
Little did I know he was gonna blow up my private messages.
He hits me up all the time and I keep telling him to stop.
I don't know how to block him :(
Urg!!
This weekend it got way worse, so I'm going to have my boss do something about it.
I guess that's "policy."
I'm going to at least have him help me block him from my profile, cause the messages get sent to my phone and 20 messages in a row, every time, gets really really annoying.


Lastnight...except we lit a tree ;)

Boredem Entry: Things That Descibe Me Pt. 11

Soooooo.....

I don't understand why I only attract weirdos or douchebags...

Like is there something wrong with me?

Can I not have a "nice" guy try and get at me.

Oh wait, when the rare chance they do I make sure they'll never like me...

I think I just need to be asexual...

It might work for me for awhile.

Meh, fuck it Ima just die alone.

Fucked in the Mind

I think it's safe to say that my mind is so fucked up, over, and around...

Like too much has went down the past couple weeks.

Good and bad.

Like fuck!!

I mean I got it n Ima do what it do, but still...

Idk I just have A LOT of thinking I need to do.

It's kinda a lot for one person to handle.

I've had to handle some real shit before and I think I can get through most of this shit not too badly scathed.

Blah I just wanted to whine a little :-P

Ima push through though, so don't worry about me!

Iiiiiiiinteresting....

Is it me or do octopussies look kinda like ball sacks...

And squidwards kinda like penises...

You know I'm right...

Song of the Day

"I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now"



Friday Night



Song of the Day

This song is incredibly sad.

What's even more sad is that it was written about a reall life event.

People need to take a stand against bullying!



The song takes its main inspiration from a newspaper article about a 15-year-old boy named Jeremy Wade Delle from Richardson, Texas who shot himself in front of his English classmates on the morning of January 8, 1991. Delle was described by schoolmates as "real quiet" and known for "acting sad.” After coming in to class late that morning, Delle was told to get an admittance slip from the school office. He left the classroom, and returned with a .357 Magnum revolver. Delle walked to the front of the classroom, announced "Miss, I got what I really went for," put the barrel of the firearm in his mouth, and pulled the trigger before his teacher or classmates could react. In a 2009 interview, Vedder said that he felt "the need to take that small article and make something of it—to give that action, to give it reaction, to give it more importance.”

Once Again...

I find myself again in an amazing place.

By amazing I mean fucked up.

I have too much going on right now.

I DO NOT need fucking love drama.

Especially with two dudes that aren't worth shit.

BLAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!

I can't do all this shit alone.

I am alone though, like always.

I fucking make myself alone though.

Sometimes I feel like I'm always going to be alone.

I push people away even if I want them the closest.

But I do want someone close to me.

To hold me when I cry.

To tell me everything will be OK.

To wipe the tears away.

To tell me to be strong.

To see me for me.

I don't know if I'll ever let someone get that close though.

I guess I just have too many issues for someone to deal with...

I've Been Requested

So I have gotten complaints that I haven't been posting anything...

I honestly only come home in time to pass out and then get up, get ready and go to work/school.

So here's a little story...

Boy and Girl meet.

Girl thinks nothing of Boy.

Boy gets Girl's number.

Boy and Girl kind of talk.

Boy gets girlfriend.

Girl "talks" to other boys.

Boy is single.

Girl doesn't think twice about anything.

Boy starts blowing up Girl's phone.

Girl isn't "talking" to anyone and is bored, so she talks obliges Boy.

Boy starts to hit up Girl all the time.

Girl starts to like Boy.

Boy likes Girls.

Boy and Girl never say anything.

Boy and Girl wait for each other to do something.

Neither one does anything.

Boy and Girl move on to other people.

Boy and Girl never tell each other how they feel.

Boy and Girl will never know what could've happened.

~

You thought it was going to be a happy ending, huh?

Well guess what...

You need to grow the fuck up and except real life!

(Lol this is a joke sorry for the emo-ness)