How Amazing

Sooooooooooo......

I have been sick the past couple days.

Well I actually haven't been feeling well for about a month, but it has gotten worse the last couple days.

I fucking hate going to the doctors, so of course I didn't.

I already had 3 weeks of appointments for all the bullshit happening, so I didn't want to go for another thing.

So I had a phone appointment with my doctor to go over my MRI for my back.

As I was on the phone I told her about me being sick.

And how fun I get to have my first testing to see if my heart is failing. 

How amazing is life.

And like usual no one cares.

It's ok though, I've been handling my shit on my own always, and never expect anyone to be there.

Emo as fuck lol.

I just wish Chris was here is all.

I know that I'm going to be ok.

I can't have heart failure.

That's not going to happen to me or my family again.

Fuck that shit!!

As you know I have had to fight for everything I have and this is going to be no different.

I am not going to let it get to me.

Today I stayed home and threw up all day, but fuck that.

I'm going out tomorrow.

I just refuse to let anything else get in my way.

And if I die because I refuse to slow down, then I guess it was meant to be.

I just worked way too fucking hard to give up or let something stand in my way.

I just feel like the more bad news and bullshit I am given pushes me more to live life to the fullest and do all the things Chris and I had planned.

And I give no fucks what people think or say of me.

Calling me erratic is like calling the sky blue.

It always has been and always will be.