Song of the Day

This song is so fucking good, and his voice is so fucking sexy!!
I have listened to this song every day since it came out haha.
You know I raped the repeat button!

Long Time

So this whole keeping a blog thing is pretty fucking hard to do when you have so much going on.

But I guess it's a good thing.

It means I have a life haha.

It just means that you guys have nothing to read.

Sorry.

Well let me give you a super long update smashed down into a small paragraph.

Thanksgiving sucked, like I knew it would.

It was the first holiday without my brother, so of course it was awkward.

No one really talked and my sister and I busted our ass cooking and cleaning and doing everything like we do every holiday.

It just isn't the same without Chris.

I'll save that rant for another post though.

I had an interview with Kaiser.

Got the job.

Yee!

I don't want to celebrate yet, because they haven't given me the official call, so I'm waiting to party lol.

I got sick this past week and found out there's something wrong with my liver and it could be pretty serious. 

I don't let on how serious it is to people because then it will freak them out, so I pretend I'm fine, but I feel like shit.

It takes so much to get out of bed and do anything, but I have no choice.

I have way too much to do to be sick.

Fuck being sick!

So that's happening...

Christmas was actually really good this year.

Like one of the best ever, which I completely feel guilty about,

It went pretty well.

As you may know, I'm the type of person that doesn't want presents or anything from anyone, but if people do get me anything I will love it even if its not something I'd like otherwise.

To me the fact someone went out of their way to get me something means so much more than the actual present.

I'm just grateful someone cared enough to think of me.

I just care about getting people presents and seeing their faces when they open it.

I get so excited when I give someone a present!

Anyways!!

Oh yeah, I haven't talked about it at all I don't think, but I have a gentleman friend.

I've been seeing him for a while.

He met my family on Christmas, which was weird, well not really, but it was.

I have never brought anyone home, or even told my parents about anyone I was seeing/fucking so it was kinda a big deal I brought him over for Christmas.

Well in my brain it was.

I think that's all that really happened.

Well all the main things anyway.

So yeah...there you go...

I hope you guys had amazing holidays, and party hard for New Year's!

You guys already know how I get down!!

I'm going to be ravin all night!
I hope you guys all start the year exactly how you want to start it!

Peace, Love, and Parties for all <3

And just because I hate leaving on a bad note...

How Amazing

Sooooooooooo......

I have been sick the past couple days.

Well I actually haven't been feeling well for about a month, but it has gotten worse the last couple days.

I fucking hate going to the doctors, so of course I didn't.

I already had 3 weeks of appointments for all the bullshit happening, so I didn't want to go for another thing.

So I had a phone appointment with my doctor to go over my MRI for my back.

As I was on the phone I told her about me being sick.

And how fun I get to have my first testing to see if my heart is failing. 

How amazing is life.

And like usual no one cares.

It's ok though, I've been handling my shit on my own always, and never expect anyone to be there.

Emo as fuck lol.

I just wish Chris was here is all.

I know that I'm going to be ok.

I can't have heart failure.

That's not going to happen to me or my family again.

Fuck that shit!!

As you know I have had to fight for everything I have and this is going to be no different.

I am not going to let it get to me.

Today I stayed home and threw up all day, but fuck that.

I'm going out tomorrow.

I just refuse to let anything else get in my way.

And if I die because I refuse to slow down, then I guess it was meant to be.

I just worked way too fucking hard to give up or let something stand in my way.

I just feel like the more bad news and bullshit I am given pushes me more to live life to the fullest and do all the things Chris and I had planned.

And I give no fucks what people think or say of me.

Calling me erratic is like calling the sky blue.

It always has been and always will be.

You know what they say about the quiet and crazy...

I've said it before and I will definitely say it again.

Masks and even face paint does things to me...

Gawddd!!

I fucking love them!

I won't say how I like to use them, but it's pretty obvious ;)

Jeffy is so fucking sexy with his painted face!

Here's a link to my past blog about how fucking sexy masks are :)

I'm a freak!

PS if you know who these two men are...I love you!

Ever wonder what my brain would look like in GIF form?

Here you go!