I don't think I've ever really talked about my past issues with addiction.

I actually don't like to think about it, let alone talk about it.

I won't get into specifics, but I had really bad problems with both barbiturates and amphetamines when I was younger.

I was high out of my mind, and a zombie, all through junior high and most of high school.

I was severely depressed, and became a shut in.

I didn't even go to high school.

I went to an independent studies program where I graduated early.

Because of all that, I became extremely anxious.

I realized after that I gained 60 pounds, and was completely disgusted with myself.

I stopped popping pills cold turkey, which sucked ass!

I had withdrawals and couldn't even tell anyone because no one knew I was even addicted.

No one really noticed or cared about me really, so I could get away with ALOT of things.

I have been completely sober for about 3-4 years, I think.

Lately it's been hard to deal with everything though.

I keep it all in and it kind of feels like how it used to be.

I kind of feel alone.

Kind of overwhelmed.

This past week I have had urges to use again.

Things and people have been brought up and its been really hard dealing with it all sober.

I don't really know anyone in my (small) direct circle of people I can talk to about this, and it is extremely hard to just grin and bear it.

I have been fine so far, but I feel like my insides are trying to explode out of my body, and my skin is crawling.

My brain is trying to slither its way out of my head.

I know that doesn't make sense, but neither does being a fucking addict...

I wish I never fucking took any pills.

I wish I never fucking got addicted to anything.

It is the only regret I have in life.

It is THEE worst feeling ever.

I made my decisions and these are the consequences tho...

I'm working through it quietly and will force myself to stay clean and strong.

Fist up!