I was just reading my older posts.
I am really dumb.
I have no idea why you people read my posts.
I mean it's funny some of the things I said and post, but somethings were like wtf was I doing.
But it was pretty interesting to see how I have grown in the last 4 years.
It's been a crazy ass journey.
I have come a really long way from who I was.
I mean just thinking about that dark time in my life where I didn't even know if I was going to live to now where I am more than thriving...it's crazy.
I have been sober for 5 years now, and though I don't talk about it at all with anyone, I am proud of myself.
It seems like a lifetime ago that all that happened.
It doesn't even seem real...it's surreal...
I can't believe how stupid I was, and honestly weak.
But I guess in the long run I was actually pretty fucking strong, or at least ended up being so.
I got myself out of the spot without any help from anyone.
And although I feel pretty jaded by people, life, and everything pretty much, life is so much better now.
I can feel, and I don't think a lot of people understand what that means.
The past 3 going on 4 years have been the most I have ever lived.
I'm talking about going out and doing things that are productive and helping people and living life.
Before that I was just wasting time.
It's so crazy where my life ended up, because honestly I never would have thought in a million year I was going to live past 16, let alone be successful.
I don't mean to brag, but I am 22 with 2 degrees headed to 4, and after that 6.
I have 2 cars, one of which is one of my dream cars.
I have a good ass job.
I have some really good people in my life.
And apart from Chris dying, I have pretty much everything I ever wanted.
Granted my living situation is somewhat iffy, it will level out soon enough.
I had a set back when Chris died, but I'm getting back to where I need to be.
Anyway, that being said, looking back at my ratchet ass posts just made me laugh.
It just showed me how much I have changed and how far I have come.
I am glad I did this blog and stuck to it for the most part.
It's always fun to look back and see my dumbass self.
There's going to be a lot of new things happening this year, and I have no idea if I will be posting anything.
This may be the end of the blogs.
I think the end was this year, because I kind of stopped posting.
I will try to keep up as much as I can, but I don't know what will happen.
I love you guys.
Ha, I was reading the posts back when I couldn't even tell people I loved them.
Look where I am now!!
Loving you guys and shit :)
So here's to a new year with new adventures.
I hope whoever is reading this is in a good place in their lives and if not you will get through whatever it is you're dealing with.
Trust me when I say I have been there so many times when it feels like there is no hope and you feel like there is no way anything will ever improve.
Please please please believe me when I say it will.
I'm not just some bullshit PSA, this hopelessness you are feeling will subside.
You just have to keep fighting another day.
Just keep fighting with your chin up and a smile on your face no matter what.
You will win!
