So this past week I have had what seems like a million tests done.
I finally went to the doctor and handled shit.
I have been needing to go back for a couple years now because of my back stuff.
So I went back because of an allergic reaction to the HPV shot, which is great cause now my vagina will probably fall out of my body one day...
Anyway as I was there, since it was my first time seeing this doctor, she asked me my history.
I told her about my back, so she ordered an xray.
She asked about family history as well, obviously I told her about Chris, so she ordered an ultrasound on my heart just as precaution.
So I got a call I think Wednesday saying that my doctor would like to set up a phone appointment with me to go over my test results.
(She said if it was all good she'd send an email, if not a phone appt.)
So I knew it was my xray because I saw my blood work online and it was all good.
I already knew I had preexisting shit with my back, so I figured it was just to talk about that.
Apparently I have an "impressive" amount of fractures in my spine.
She said she was astounded at how many there are.
I have to now get an MRI and go to the spinal clinic to see what the next steps are, ie surgery, injections, etc.
That somewhat freaked me out because anything with anesthesia kinda worries me because of Chris.
I just brushed it off and try not to think about it until whenever I have to deal with it.
Today she forwarded me the results of the ultrasound.
She told me that almost everything was normal.
Everything except I have tricuspid regurgitation, which basically is my tricuspid valve doesn't close all the way which is making the blood inside my heart flow backwards.
I now have to keep an eye out for developing heart failure symptoms.
This freaked me out, obviously.
I don't think I would normally be too worried about it, but I just lost my brother because of his heart.
Basically I have similar heart problems in the aspect of I could go into heart failure because of this condition.
I could end up how Chris ended up, and that scares me honestly.
On the other side, nothing could happen and I can go on living a long life until I get old die however I die.
I kind of don't really know how to feel.
All I know is that I am going to keep living like Chris did, and wanted us to.
I try to make the best out of everything no matter how hard it is.
I am overall pretty happy with what I have and who I have.
Everything else can fuck off.
I'm just trying to live a life worth living.
Hella cliche but I don't care!
When I'm old I am going to look back on everything I have done and experienced, and remember how amazing my life was and how many opportunities I got.
No matter what happens, if I die tomorrow or 80 years from now, I have no regrets.
I am not ashamed of what I have gone through and where I am today.
I am proud of my accomplishments and what I have made out of nothing.
I have lost a lot and gained a lot, and I wouldn't ask for a different life.
With everything I have been through, I have gotten through it all fighting my ass off.
I am stronger than most people and can handle anything anyone can throw at me.
God has a plan, and whether you believe in him or not, He will do what is planned.
I love Him and am grateful for the life I was allowed to have, good and bad.
Thank you God for everything you have given me.
I love you and whenever you decide to take me I am ready to go.
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